the Vampire Monkey is a rare mammal that feasts on the juices of poor defenseless fruit, and can run at the speed of OVER 9000!!!!!!!mph to catch prey and is an expert in chess. It speaks portugese and spider monkey, and is known to fire lazars. Confront with extreme caution.

Vampire monkeys are silent usually, so silent their gas emissions are heard only a mile away, and they excrete blood from their mouth to indicate they are rick rolling.